I just watched the movie ‘Michael’ this week, and I could not help but see his life as being more traumatic than ever, despite his success as an artiste. Not that his childhood struggles were rare, but they were as common as the many families that are broken on the inside but live in numb pain, pretending that everything is okay to the outside world.
This movie highlighted Michael’s struggles with his abusive and tyrannical father. There are children in our own backyards going through the same parental experience and perhaps who will never find a chance to tell their stories.
Not all parents are nurturing in nature. It is a sad truth. Some can be toxic and stifling for their children. The domestic squabbles and violence between spouses in front of their children change the personality of their children forever. When the cruel and even exploitative nature of a parent is unleashed against their children, it can set in motion cycles of generational trauma. Many unresolved emotions get buried deep within oneself and may get displaced towards the next generation.
The saddest part is often society prefers to sweep such matters under the carpet rather than address them. No one will talk about incest. Some children must fend for themselves within their homes. Worse, when a parent does nothing to protect their child from their abusive spouse. Instead, children are advised to keep quiet and bear up to uphold the peace of the family and, perhaps, the family name. No doubt, it is important that parents need to teach children discipline and responsibility, but one needs to be mindful not to cross boundaries where one’s methods of upbringing end up being abusive.
The Victims Assistance Unit under the Goa Children’s Act reports that from 2024 till date, there are around 386 reported cases of children being abused. These figures are for domestic and sexual violence cases alone wherein a huge number of perpetrators are from within the family itself. Add to this figure hundreds of unreported, overlooked cases of neglect and emotional and verbal abuse from within the family. The violation of childhood innocence and burden of fear on tender shoulders of a child is heartbreaking.
As an afterthought I wondered, if Michael’s mother or older siblings intervened, what would his life trajectory be like? Would he still be alive as King of Pop? While it may be too late to ponder on these things, would it be the right time to talk about the Michaels within our families? Can one mother, one father, one sibling, one aunt or uncle make a change for one Michael at a time? Maybe we can begin with the ‘man in the mirror’!
(The writer is Associate Professor and Head of Department of Psychology at St Xavier’s College, Mapusa)
